Cribs

Earlier this year, one of the big hits in the music charts was 'Rockstar' by Nickelback. It is a song that takes the mickey out of becoming a celebrity musician, listing a series of things that signal success, such as having a drug dealer on speed dial (right) and joining the 'mile-high-club' at 37000 feet. There was one in particular that got my attention:

'I want a brand-new house on an episode of Cribs'.

Cribs, for those who don't know, is a tv-show aired by MTV, in which the rock-, movie- and sportsstars spoofed by Nickelback show the world at large what their houses look like. I've come across this show a number of times, and I came to the conclusion that most of these houses look the same: too big to keep clean without a contingent of maids, garish in a nouveau-riche sort of way, and all literally identical. They have bathrooms with golden taps and lots of marble, at least half a dozen enormeous flatscreen TV's that give you headaches when you stand too close to them (which you invariably do) and that are blaring out MTV 24/7, a swimmingpool and hottub in the backyard, and a fleet of cars in the driveway, consisting of at least one SUV (generally of the Hummer, BMW or Porsche Cayenne varieties) and a Mercedes or Lexus Convertible. Oh, and either a cinema- or gameroom. Or both. I admit that I tend not to stay glued to the screen when I see the show, but I have flicked through enough episodes to suspect that there isn't much diversity in the houses shown there.

Last night, I was making my way through the channels when I came across Cribs again and, just for your entertainment, decided to watch it properly for a bit. I fell into it half-way through the show, so I didn't see it all, but still something hit me: I didn't know these so-called celebrities at all! The first one was a guy whose name I did not catch (remember, I fell into it half-way), but who apparently is a member of a band named Fall-Out Boy. If anybody has a clue as to what I should know them from, please leave a comment?!?! (I must admit though, his house was less bog-standard than most I'd seen... he'd actually left his laundry out.)

The second one was an actress named (I've deliberately written it down so I wouldn't forget) Sara Paxton. Again, no clue as to what I should know her from. I thought I'd recognised her from a movie, then realised that it was Alicia Silverstone I'd been thinking of. Or maybe it was Cameron Diaz...

The tour was reassuringly familiar, there was literally nothing in the crib that was unique or eye-catching, and if there was a little clutter lying around it might even be reasonalbly inhabitable. But here's the thing: Sara Paxton still lives with her parents. In other words, the crib she was so obligingly showing us around in, IS NOT HERS! She did not buy the house, she did not pay for the black-tiled swimmingpool and she did not hunt for just the right sofa or decide that the decor should be generic C-list celebrity.

Success just isn't what it used to be.